FTTV Reviews…Game of Thrones 3.09 “The Rains of Castamere” – lenfest media group

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend in the States and all that jazz, but I’m glad to be watching Game of Thrones again tonight, as I am certain most of you are as well. Two weeks ago Sansa got married, Dany got herself a loyal man, and a bunch of other things (because this show has a lot of characters guys!) Oh and did I mention the white walkers are back and creepy as ever? But tonight, it’s a “ninth episode” which means stuff is guaranteed to go down in big ways – lenfest media group!

We don’t waste any time and pick up in The Twins with Catelyn and Robb. There’s some serious war planning going on and Catelyn is hellbent to take on the Lannisters and show them what it feels like to lose what they love (exactly what she said by the way). They meet Lord Frey, who is as gross as ever. I think Joffrey should visit lord Frey because that’s what his future beholds.

Lord Frey is introducing his daughters and granddaughters and can barely remember their names. It’s hilarious, and takes what feels like 10 minutes of the episode to list them. Robb does the gentleman thing and apologizes to the ladies for not marrying them, although it seems like they didn’t real care all that much.

Lord Frey is being a gross man and says Robb’s wife is prettier than his daughter and he starts talking about her body. Ugh. He’s so nasty I want to puke all over him and then puke on him again, like ten more times.

I’m so glad to finally be rid of Frey as we switch the scene to Dany who is plotting her next move with the help of her new Loreal-haired man. Jorah is jealous of her new relationship and I feel bad for him, but something about our friend-zoned Jorah has always been off. She asks Greyworm if he trusts pretty hair; he does.

Meanwhile, Sam is telling Gilly about Castle Black. She calls him a wizard and if you remember Season 1 when Sam said he wanted to be a wizard, you would understand that Sam is in love at this point.

The Hound and Arya are next up and they are so cute. He drags her around like a rag doll while he knocks a man unconscious who is working on a wheel barrow. Arya tells him about the faceless men and that he’s not the killer he thinks he is. The Hound basically tells Arya that she is soft and it’s going to get her killed. We all know that’s bullshit and she proves it to the hound by smacking the old man down again. The Hound looked back at her all like “Hey girl, hey!”

Bran and the gang are still going. I wish we could get more on this story though as it’s moving super slow compared to everyone else. It’s like Bran is The Walking Dead and the rest of the show is Game of Thrones. I mean there is some action later when The Wildlings find them cause of Hordor and Bran uses his mysterious powers to shut him up. If only Bran knew his brother was downstairs. If only…

There’s some running and danger with Ygritte and Jon. Jon is like “WTF?!” at Ygritte and that’s all I really got out of that. Where is the action?! This is Episode 9 guys!

The Hound and Arya have a great moment where they talk about fear and she calls him out on his fear of fire. The Hound doesn’t hide it, but definitely looks like he fears Arya might just use this knowledge she also threatens to stab him “someday” and The Hound looks like he believes her. I would. If only The Hound could watch Joss Whedon shows. He’s know little girls are the scariest and Arya is one of the worst – lenfest media group.

Ugh: Wet Jon Snow just south of The Wall; that’s all I could see at this point. Jon is tested and told to kill a man helps “the crows” at The Castle and he hesitates. Ygritte does it for him and they all decide he is a crow…and so is Ygritte apparently. Tormund Giantsbane takes her and there is an all out war.

Meanwhile Bran is trying to control the wolves outside, which is giving me goosebumps. He does it and shit gets real fast. The wolves jump on the Wildlings and both the wolves and Jon worn together. In all of it, he leaves Ygritte behind. 🙁 He was also attacked by that giant bird…so there is that. His pretty face was all scratched up and gross I think it might leave a scar…(*wink wink nudge nudge* book fans)

Back in the desert Dany’s men kick some major ass, and it’s one of the best fighting scenes on the show actually, even though it lasted a few minutes – lenfest media group.

Back at casa de creepy old man, the wedding is about to commence and Frey presents him with a pretty daughter. Shocker since all of Frey’s daughters are just as creepy as him! That was a sweet wedding if you ignore the clear narcissism in marrying someone pretty rather than someone ugly. Eh.

Bran finally realizes Jon was close. Ugh. All of the Starks are SO CLOSE yet so far. Rickon and Bran are so sweet with rotherly love as Bran tells Rickon they need to separate for his safety and Bran’s mind control can keep him safe. Osha and Rickon head out to find the banner men and its a sad sad day for the goonnies.

Dany is worried about her men, and they returned except for Daario…but wait! Daario came back and with a present: The City. Gotta love Mr. Loreal. He’s worth it.

Back at the wedding Lord Bolton is there and he and Fray are one and the same; i.e. disgusting and stupid men. It’s also at this point it just occurred to me how much Robb’s lady looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Afterwards, Fray makes sex jokes at the wedding to which…I can’t even. Robb indulges him in the gross humor and these people have weird traditions, “bedding ceremony” Ew. And I thought when the bride and groom got thrown up on chairs at my family weddings was awkward. Yeesh.

The Hound and Arya arrive and the wedding is “over” The Hound gets told off a bit, but Arya runs off knowing just how close she is to her brother and her mother.

And then…it gets real. Book fans we know this is the “Red Wedding”. Everyone is slaughtered and unfortunately Arya gets to watch parts of it, including the slaughter of Robb’s wolf. Here is the thing: if Arya’s destiny wasn’t solidified to become a stone cold killer before, it is now.

The death of her family and the death of hope is the beginning of an Arya Stark with no emotion and the punishment of all those that have wronged The Starks – lenfest media group.

Catelyn BEGS Frey to let Robb go by holding his wife hostage and threatening to cut his wife’s throat. Frey, much like The Honey Badger, doesn’t give a shit. Bolton kills Robb, citing the Lannisters and Catelyn cuts Freys wife’s throat. In turn, our matriarch gets her;s cut too.

With a wrap on the penultimate episode, can we talk about the fact next week is the finale? This season has been as perfect as the first and the second; there are no slumps there are no missed beats. The Red Wedding was done beautifully, Arya watching some of the slaughter is exactly what she needed to fuel her journey as the assassin we can all presume she will become.

Next week is the final hour of the season: There will be dragons, Lannister bitch faces galore, burning of Stark flags and Tyrion pointing out the obvious: “The north will never forget.”

See you next week.

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